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The Law of Association
One of things I’ve come to know is
there is a real difference between what sounds good and what
really works. What I’m going to share with you today is one of the
most vital steps when it comes to getting results in your business
and getting results in your life.
It’s called The Law of
Association
The law of association says that
you’ll become who you hang around. Another way to say it is that
you’ll become the average of the five people you spend the most
time with. For some people, that’s great news. But for most
people, that’s terrible news. When I heard this for the first time
at age 22, it was depressing. Today, it’s great.
Now, you might not agree with
this law, but your agreement really isn’t required. You are going
to become the average of the five people you spend the most time
with. If you want to test it, take the five people you spend the
most time with, add up their annual income, and divide by five. If
your income isn’t close to that number, give it time. If it’s
lower than that average, be happy. If it’s higher than that
average, be afraid.
Here’s what this law means to you
If you really do become who you
hang around, then you can actively shape your future. It doesn’t
have to be a “cross your fingers and hope for the best” existence.
Trust me, if you can find a way
to hang around people who really know how to recruit, then you
will learn how to recruit.
If you can find a way to hang
around people who really know how to sell, you’ll sell too.
If you find a way to hang around
people who are great leaders, then you can become a great leader.
If you can find a way to hang
around people who make more money, then you can make more money.
Is it as easy as that? Well… yes
it is.
Now please understand that it
works the other way too. And since most people don’t actively
evaluate the associations in their lives, they’re usually left
with a group brought together by chance. And, if that group
doesn’t have the attributes you need to succeed, chances are
excellent that you won’t develop those attributes either.
We’re talking about influence.
Influence is extremely powerful
and it’s also extremely subtle. You won’t let someone knock you
off course, but you will let them nudge you off course. One little
suggestion at a time. One little distraction at a time. You start
to go off course and you don’t even know it. What starts as a 1%
difference compounds over time and becomes much larger. Five years
down the road you find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled… but at
least you have your friends!
Your environment and your
associations work on you more than you could possibly work on
them. They’re constantly dripping on you, shaping you and molding
you. Even if you consider yourself to be an inner-directed person,
it’s still extremely hard not to be affected by the people around
you.
This is the reason why
advertising works.
What you repeatedly hear, you
eventually believe. It’s the reason why lobbyists are paid so much
money to influence our politicians. If they can spend time with
them or, even better, become one of the five people they spend the
most time with, then chances are excellent that they’ll be able to
influence a politician’s decisions.
This is not new. This is old.
There is just something about us that is largely affected by other
people. Their expectations, criticisms, and opinions are very
important to us. We love to conform.
To understand that is the
beginning. You’re not going to change it. As human beings, we just
aren’t strong enough to withstand it. But you can use it to your
benefit.
Here is a simple process that I
learned from Jim Rohn:
There are three questions for you
to ask yourself
1. Who am I around?
Just take a moment to jot down the names of the people you spend a
lot of time with
2. What are they doing to me?
Where do they have me going?
How do they have me thinking?
What do they have me reading?
Who do they have me listening to?
What do they have me saying?
What do they have me believing?
What do they have me becoming?
3. Is that okay?
It might be okay with you. If it
is, and your life is sailing along perfectly, then you don’t need
to do anything at all.
If it’s not, then here are three
steps you can take
1. First, you could limit your
associations with people who aren’t taking you in the direction of
your dreams.
What that means is instead of
spending two days with them, spend two hours. Or instead of
spending two hours, spend two minutes. Don’t underestimate
influence. You treat this casually, and you’ll end up a casualty.
This is a big deal. You might say, well hey, they’re my friend and
I like spending 2 hours with them. I’m not judging you, but I am
saying that you have to own the results. What I’m suggesting isn’t
to tell your friends “I’m limiting my association with you!” What
I am saying is to get busy in other directions.
Those who cannot increase you
will inevitably decrease you.
Remember, every relationship in
your life is a current moving you toward your dreams or away from
them.
Limiting associations was
something I did on a massive scale when I was first taking control
of my life. I just got busy in new and exciting directions.
Believe me, you can too.
2. Disassociate with the people
who are determined to keep you off track
The second step is a hard one.
When I first started this process, there were some people who had
such an unbelievably negative influence on me. If I truly wanted
to change my life, I had no choice but to disassociate with them.
At least for a while. Until I gathered up enough strength to be
able to have limited association with them without it taking me
off track. Now, again, I’m not suggesting you tell people “I’m
disassociating with you”, although sometimes you won’t have a
choice. What I’m saying is to get yourself busy in more positive
directions.
When I first heard this, I was a
$5 an hour guy and, guess what? I was hanging around with a bunch
of $5 an hour friends. And we all did what $5 an hour people did.
When I first decided to try to change my life, I have to tell you,
my friends put on the full-court press and yours probably will
too. They made fun of me. “You’re reading books now?” “You’re
listening to tapes in your car now?” “You’re no fun anymore”.
“Sell anything yet”. “Made your first million yet?”
If that didn’t work, they tried
to distract me and tempt me with all sorts of offers. “I have
tickets to the game”. “A bunch of us are getting together to go
fishing up North and there’s one more spot so you can join us for
free”. “We’re going to happy hour, want to come along?” And it was
hard to say, sorry guys. I already have other plans. But, I’m
telling you, if I didn’t gather the courage to make those positive
decisions and get busy in better directions, I would still be
there.
3. Expand Your Associations
This is by far the most positive.
Just find a way to get around people who can help you become the
person you’d like to be. One of the great side benefits of being
involved in this industry is you have an opportunity to hang out
and become friends with some incredible people.
Expanding your associations can
be tricky at first and I’ll tell you why. When you’re trying to
spend time with more successful people, they’re trying to limit
their association with you! They already know about the law of
association!
Let’s say you’re a $10 dollar an
hour type of person. It’s not going to be easy to break into a $50
dollar an hour group. When I first started, I tried to break into
a new group, but the truth is, I had so many problems that the
group was skeptical about involving me… and it was hard to blame
them.
So, I decided that I would work
to earn my way in.
I did that by pitching in at
company events in the area, by always having a smile on my face
and a good attitude.
I started listening to tapes in
my car, over and over and over again until the information became
a part of me. Early mentors like Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Brian Tracy
and Denis Waitley became part of my associations. It was like Jim
Rohn was one of my five. I took that information and then, when I
finally had the opportunity to be around more successful people, I
would talk about the things I’d learned and they started to
listen.
I can’t imagine how much I would
have taken off my learning curve if I had these resources when I
started.
Another way I improved myself was
I saw that successful people were usually pretty good presenters,
so I recorded the best presenter in town, transcribed it word for
word, and then taped myself giving that business overview and
listened to that tape hundreds of times until I had the
presentation down cold. People started to notice me.
I started to read books. In the
beginning I was terrible and could only get through about 5 pages
a day before I fell asleep. But eventually I got through some of
the classics like Think and Grow Rich and How To Win Friends and
Influence People and started to use the information in day to day
living.
The bottom line is… I was a $5
dollar an hour guy, but I earned my way into a $20 dollar an hour
crowd. And guess what? It wasn’t long before I learned how they
were doing it and earned $20 dollars an hour as well. But I wasn’t
finished there. I had much bigger dreams and aspirations.
In time, I found a way to earn my
way into a $40 dollar an hour crowd and then a $60 dollar an hour
crowd. Each time, it didn’t take long to earn what they were
earning. I eventually earned my way into the $500 dollar an hour
crowd. I can tell you, it’s quite a ride and there’s really no
limit.
Now, you might say, wait a
minute. Are you telling me to ditch my friends and be all about
money? No, I’m not. The laws of association work with money, but
they also work with everything else you want to improve in your
life.
If you want to be a great parent,
find a way to get around great parents. If you want to be a great
marriage, find a way to hang around people who have figured that
out. You name it.
Here’s one of the secrets that I
learned…
For most of your adult life,
about every 90 days or so, one of the five people you hang around
most will change. You’ll get a new job, join a new gym, start
dating someone new, stop dating someone, something in your life
will change and so will your associations.
This is important! When that
happens, make sure you choose the next person very carefully. Are
they going to move you toward your dreams or away from them.
I’ve heard it said that when God
wants to bless you, he puts a person in your life. And, when the
Devil wants to destroy you, he puts a person in your life.
Here’s another insight.
The place to be is at the bottom
side of the five. I started there because you couldn’t go lower.
But I decided to stay at the bottom side of the five and it has
served me incredibly well. The rest of the people I hang around
just keep pulling me higher and higher. You see, being at the high
side feeds your ego, but steals from your pocketbook since you’ll
become the average of the five and that means you’re probably
headed down. Being at the bottom side requires humility, but it
feeds your pocketbook since all it will do is pull you up.
I hope you’re getting this
because it is one of the true secrets of the super successful.
Here’s an assignment for each of
you.
I’d like you to find a workout
partner… a friend that you would be happy to have as one of your
five. Find someone who will push you. Someone who will hold you
accountable for your actions. Someone who will remind you why
you’re doing this in the first place. Find someone you can bounce
things off of and brainstorm with. And of course, you’ll do the
same for them. I’ve had some great workout partners in my career
and, let me tell you, I’m not sure I would have made it through
some of the tough times without them.
It will probably take you more
than a week to find this person since you’re going to want to
choose them carefully, but make it one of your goals. Keep it in
the front of your mind until it becomes a reality.
In addition, begin to pay very
close attention to the rest of the people you’re spending time
with so you can determine if they’re going to help you move closer
to your dreams.
This has been a major lesson, but
if you apply it, the laws of association will serve you very well
and for the rest of your life.
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